Yaris, you fail.
After exiting FIFA 08 last night I browsed my dashboard and discovered the next sure-fire candidate for game of the year was available for download on Xbox Live Arcade: YARIS~!
You ever wonder why there’s starving kids in Africa? Yaris. It is quite simply the root of all the world’s problems. This could quite possibly the worst game ever created [and I refuse to use the term 'advergame']. The sheer horribleness of this game is so incredible, you’ll wonder how they pulled it off. It gets so many things wrong that the fact that it’s free shouldn’t even be a redeeming quality. Bad PSone level graphics? Check. Gameplay where you have no idea whether you’re winning or losing? Double check. And finally, character and level design so bad it makes Superman 64 look like Gears of War? You guessed it, checkeroo. I mean, why would a Yaris hate a flying box-shaped owl?
I get the whole connection with the evil gas pump spiders [the Yaris has mad fuel economy skills, buy our shit yadda yadda], but honestly, toasters? What the fuck did they ever do to you Toyota? Burn your delicious Eggo blueberry waffles the morning you were to pitch enemies for your crappy game at your weekly meeting? I don’t know. Maybe I missed the whole part where toasters became public enemy number one. And fat guys on motorbikes? I’ve gotten more enjoyment watching them on YouTube than I’ll ever get out of this game.
I guess the only positive thing that can be said about Yaris is that at least acheivement whores will have an easy 200 GS points to squezze out of this lemon.
