No big write-up here, just wanted to bring to your attention that The Escapist has a new review from the incomparable Yahtzee. This week the Aussie chap takes a big steaming crap on the recently released Turok, while also managing to take shots at the entire FPS genre.
If you haven’t seen one of Yahtzee’s reviews before, be warned that they’re not for the easily offended. Or people who have an intense hatred for the color yellow. Seriously WTF is up with this guy and yellow?
After exiting FIFA 08 last night I browsed my dashboard and discovered the next sure-fire candidate for game of the year was available for download on Xbox Live Arcade: YARIS~!
You ever wonder why there’s starving kids in Africa? Yaris. It is quite simply the root of all the world’s problems. This could quite possibly the worst game ever created [and I refuse to use the term 'advergame']. The sheer horribleness of this game is so incredible, you’ll wonder how they pulled it off. It gets so many things wrong that the fact that it’s free shouldn’t even be a redeeming quality. Bad PSone level graphics? Check. Gameplay where you have no idea whether you’re winning or losing? Double check. And finally, character and level design so bad it makes Superman 64 look like Gears of War? You guessed it, checkeroo. I mean, why would a Yaris hate a flying box-shaped owl?
It wasn’t too long go that Britney was populating the fantasies of every straight red-blooded male in North America. Now, it just looks like she has the gut of one. Not to rag on her or anything [she has had two kids], but what in the hell is she doing to herself? A lot of people viewed her performance at the MTV VMAs as her last shot at reclaiming the fame she once had, or at the very least getting a big jump on the road back to it.
Instead, she flopped hard, almost literally at one point as she fell backwards [purposefully] and it looked as if her backup dancers had trouble getting her back up. Sad. I want to feel bad for her, but the fact is that she was given this great opportunity and she went ahead and fucked it up. Every gossip blog was reporting on her ‘preparations’ for the big performance, which pretty much consisted of getting trashed every night with Diddy and her new beau Criss Angel.
Please, Criss, just make her disappear.
Can you feel it? From magazine stands to Slurpee machines, there’s no escaping the metallic mug of Master Chief. Although I only recently started drinking the Kool-Aid [or should that be Mountain Dew Game Fuel?] of the Halo cult, it’s hard not to get excited for a title this anticipated. Granted, most of the hype is courtesy of the Microsoft marketing machine, but to it’s credit the Halo series has been stellar so far and the closing chapter of the trilogy looks like the best entry yet.
In the meantime, I’ve been keeping myself busy with the final act of another sci-fi trilogy, Metroid Prime 3: Corruption. The controls do take a bit of getting used to, but once you switch over to the more advanced setting and invest an hour or so into the game, the precision of aiming with the Wiimote is unsurprisingly excellent [aside from a few clunky actions you perform with the controller to unlock doors]. As for the gameplay itself, veterans of the Metroid Prime series will know what to expect.
A night originally designated Mr. McMahon Appreciation Night turned deadly when the WWE Chairman’s limousine burst into a fiery explosion just moments after Mr. McMahon stepped into it. Permanently uprooting the world of sports-entertainment, the Chairman has been presumed dead in Wilkes-Barre, Pa. – WWE.com
I’m LOVING this right now. Shit like this is what made me a rabid wrestling fan in the first place. The problem with WWE shows right now is that there’s no reason to look forward to the next show. Back in the Attitude era, almost every Raw used to end with a cliffhanger that would leave you anticipating next week’s show. During high school I would constantly hear people talk about what they thought what was going to happen next or what they would like to see happen. As much as we like to talk about how great certain matches are, for the casual fan, it’s all about the drama. Angles like the mystery of the higher power or the hijacked wedding of Stephanie McMahon drew tons of attention and really got people talking. If you check anywhere on the net, people are talking about this and it seems like everyone’s having fun throwing their theories into the hat.
Hell week at school has finally drawn to a close, and I can now start being a lazyass and enjoy my holidays. Work on Convergence Magazine had me sleeping at the school twice this week, but I did get a nice break from things at our drunken j-school party. Everything wrapping up nicely though, and by the end of this week I should have a new post up about a few mag releases featuring my work. In the meantime, keep an eye out for the new issues of Tribute, Teen Tribute and Kids Tribute at all AMCs and Cineplex Odeons across Canada. My name is plastered all over them. I’ve also begun work on The Elite, which is pretty much my own personal gaming hall of fame. Talk soon.
And in from left field, I now have an Xbox 360. While browsing online stores at school [read: trying to waste time], I came across an Xbox 360 bundle at Future Shop for $449. A steal, considering you get an Xbox 360 Pro, Wireless controller, Gears of War, Xbox Live Arcade Unplugged, Ghost Recon: AW and Ridge Racer 6, which I swapped for WWE Smackdown! vs., Raw 2007. For the past month I’ve been following Gears of War and the sheer beauty of it, trying to persuade my only friend with a 360 to get it. Now imagine my shock when I’m standing at the Future Shop register a few days ago getting it.
I was reluctant to step into the next-generation of gaming, my argument being that I’m playing the same games with better graphics. But after playing the 360 titles I picked up, all I keep telling everyone is how amazing the graphics are. Gears of War literally looks like you’re playing Final Fantasy VII: Advent Children, and I’ve never been so excited to see someone sweat as I was playing WWE Smackdown! vs. Raw 2007.
It isn’t just the graphics though, as the system has so many innovative features that just keep me smiling over the thought of my purchase. Like the fact that I can listen to my iPod while playing any game, which means goodbye to Smackdown!’s crappy nu-metal & low budget hip-hop soundtrack and hello to any of the thousands of songs on my iPod.
Microsoft also deserves a hand for the fine controller they’ve crafted, considering they started out with the most ridiculed and atrocious controller since Atari Jaguar’s game pad which featured more buttons than a cellphone. The design of it fits my hands perfectly and its white shell looks extremely sleek.
I was a little pissed at first that my HDD only held 10GB as opposed to the 20GB it’s supposed to, but then I realized that those nice folks at Microsoft had filled it with video content that I will most likely never watch. Well, except for that episode of Justice League Unlimited, but only because of Batman. It’s actually a nice little idea and I’m surprised they hadn’t advertised it similarly to Sony advertising the free Spider-Man 2 UMD with the PSP launch.
So, $626.98 later [They tried to talk me into the Product Service Plan and being the idiot I am, I got it. I always get it, even though I say I never will], I’m the proud owner of an Xbox 360. After attending the PS3 Launch Party and getting a chance to dick around with every PS3 launch title, I’m happy with my decision. My girlfriend was going to by me the Nintendo Wii on launch day, but once she found out I bought a 360, those plans were axed. But who needs a Wii when there Locusts to kill in Gears of War, belts to be won in Smackdown! vs. Raw and Croissanwiches to be distributed in Sneak King?
